Relationships in Pattaya: An Honest Take

The biggest misconception about relationships in Pattaya is that every Thai woman here works in the bars. It's completely untrue. But plenty of people who've never been here, or who've only seen the nightlife, assume it is.

Where do people actually meet?

Mostly through friends and everyday life: restaurants, hotels, work. Dating apps less so than you'd think.

It's also much less daunting to strike up a conversation here than in the West. Speaking as a man, you won't get a rude or negative reaction just for saying hello. Thais are friendly, accommodating and forgiving, and being rude isn't in their nature. So it's a lot easier to meet someone normally.

You marry the family

When you marry a Thai, you're effectively marrying their family too. That's very different from the West.

Sin sod

Sin sod is the money a man pays the bride's family when he marries. My view is that the family is really asking one question: can you support our daughter? Some families give it back after the wedding. If the family has money, they often do. If they haven't, they'll probably keep it.

I don't think it's that different from the West. We just aren't so blatant about it. We'd ask what he does for a living and probe a bit instead.

Supporting her family

There's often an expectation that you'll help her family financially. The way most of my friends and staff handle it is simple: the husband supports his wife, and the wife supports her family. She often works, and what she earns goes to her family, while the husband covers the day-to-day living costs.

The real red flag: communication

Communication matters in any relationship. Add a cultural difference, often an age difference and a language barrier, and there's plenty of room for misunderstandings.

It's nearly always the Thai partner who learns English. Learning Thai is always a good thing, but I'm not sure it would save a relationship on its own.

Age gaps

Big age gaps are definitely a thing here. If both people are happy and neither is under any illusion about what it is (often he gets her youth and she gets stability), I don't see anything wrong with it.

Where people fall down is when they convince themselves it isn't transactional, that it's purely emotional, or hope it'll turn into that. When it doesn't, the problems start. The ones I've seen work are where both sides understand the deal: he gets the freedom to be himself and live his life, and she often doesn't need to work and gets security in return.

Couples closer in age

Not every relationship here has that imbalance. Plenty of people, me included, are with a Thai partner closer in age, and it can work very well. It's much more like a Western relationship.

There's still a communication gap from the cultural difference. Thais tend to be more fun-loving and easygoing, and sometimes Westerners are a bit too serious for them, while sometimes Thais aren't serious enough.

My advice: take it slow

The mistake I see most is people getting carried away. Someone younger shows an interest and it's all lust at the start. When that fizzles out, the problems begin. So take it slow, be adaptable and be open.

For more, read cultural mistakes in Thailand, making friends in Pattaya and visas in Pattaya.